Screw the **** stuff

You’d have to have had your head buried in the sand to have missed out on the fact that the East End is officially cool. Yes, it’s cooler than the coolest person you can think of and the five runners up put together. There's so much Shoreditch street art. And, with so many pub/bar/restaurant/club options, it’s great for spontaneous and unplanned nights out.
But there are some things that you should plan to do. A trip to the Hoxton Pony is one of them. As the title tells you, when I was younger I was obsessed with the idea of having a pony. Unfortunately I was also scared of most animals and the few times I did go riding I was abominably terrible, to the point where I realised (and at 5 you think you could do anything) and spouted lies to the instructor telling her that my best friend broke her neck riding as an excuse for why I would almost cry every time the horse so much as trotted.
Despite the fact that I’m now a pretty decent rider, I still think The Hoxton Pony beats any real horsey business. Number one, it doesn’t stop to relieve itself every few minutes. Nor does it go crazy when a car thunders past it. In fact, it’s pretty laid back about most things. Apart from cocktails. Nowhere that does such perfect cocktails can ever be described as being laid back about them.
And, if plain old drinking isn’t your thing there’s plenty going on – birthday party nights (jelly, ice cream and pin the pony), DJ sets galore and cream teas with cocktailage complete with plenty of East London crazies and kidz (cool ones, not underage ones)...

People have been telling me about some very lively stuff going on (thanks all, keep up the good work) will try and get round to putting it all up but firstly. Who ever dreamt of being GI Joe/ GI Jane? Well I definitely did, I even went so far as to join air cadets, I lasted a year and a half, until they told me that I couldn’t do rifle shooting in my yellow miniskirt? What the deuce, I was the best shot and they were prejudice against one eeny weeny skirt. I digress.

GI Jane, GI Joe, it’s your turn to shine at Fire Hazard on Saturday 10th October. It looks, quite frankly, a bit childish and a bit bonkers and frigging amazing. As far as I can see it involves running around Hampstead Heath in the dark playing an updated version of cowboys and Indians. Yeehah baby is all I have to say. Who knows, I might even get the old yellow miniskirt out if I can find it, at least this time there’s no one to tell me off about it.

At least I can enjoy this Bob Bob Ricard review instead.

And no I'm not talking about love or that crummy stuff, Luther Vandross was obviously a better person than I was. I am talking about Sagatiba i.e. cachacha i.e. the stuff you use to make my fave cocktail - the caipirinha, i.e. love - hey, maybe I had more in common with Vandross than I originally thought. You learn something new every day.

So what's the deal? I know you perked up when you saw the word free - it's the one thing this damned recession cant screw up and make you feel guilty about. Especially free stuff on this scale - it's legendary.

Essentially Sagatiba decided that London is far too unhappy at the moment and needs its spirit lifting. What with the government in pieces, the economy in pieces, many people's lives in pieces, they thought that they'd give us a present to cheer us up. And like most presents (well, those without strings attached, watch out for those pesky strings, they'll strangle you I tell you), it's free.

You do the following:

- Log on to the website http://sagatibaspirit.com/spirit-lifters/
- Fill in details and press click

They do the following
- Book a spirit lifting party for you
- Send a DJ to your chosen location (normally house/ work/ party)
- Send a capoeira dancer to your chosen location
- Send a mixologist armed with Sagatiba and magical caipirinha making abilities to your chosen location
- Give you music, cocktails and dancers to lift your spirit



Who said the milk of humankind was running dry? And if it is, there's plenty of cachaca to replace it with. Lets go over it one more time. You register on the website and you get a completely free party. What. Are. You. Waiting. For. Dumbass.

Has anyone ever heard that song where a man basically repeats "Oh that's funky, that's real funky" in this croaky voice? It's funky, it's real funky - anyway, it's exactly what sprung to mind when I found out about this crazy little shindig

Hoodoo Voodoo at Bethnal Men’s Working Club.



Isn't the title fab - love it. I'd have gone even if it was a night dedicated to the best of Celine Dion or something. There's lots in a name.

Luckily, that isnt the case, it's a new night that can basically be summed up as jungle burlesque or beastly burlesque but not in the kind of animal sexualized way. Fabulous darling.

New from Oh My God I Miss You! Hoodoo Voodoo is the kind of place where you unleash your wild side and the person next to you doesn't even bat an eyelid. And hooray for that. It's the third Friday of every month, which means the 16th October for this fair month. £8.

46 Pollard Row, London, E2 6NB, Tel: 0207 739 7170.
http://www.myspace.com/hoodoovoodooclub

Being back in London deserves a new blog. It really does. People tend to look at me quizzically when I say that I LOVE London and am very happy to be back. Indeed, I received a free bottle of cachaca delivered to my door today - Dubai what? Crumbs and Dirty Dishes will still be updated so keep checking that but this is a different kettle of fish entirely.

So, I basically envision this being a round up of all the wicked stuff going on in the city that you might not find out about but that's well worth your time. Screw the shit stuff - this is the hot stuff - a guide for your weekdays, weekends and any time you have in between.

With no further ado lets go:

October 5th to 10th (we've missed a day because I was working like a beast this weekend and having fun times at The Easton / Big Chill House)

Smash and Grab


I won't go pretending that Smash and Grab is the newest night in town, it's not. But what it is is consistently cool - packed to the gills with Camden's loudest crowd with style at Camden's loudest club with style (that would be Proud, Camden). It has also got rather exciting recently with the one night being split into two parts

SMASH & GRAB

HAS SPLIT!!!

INTO TWO NIGHTS

ON ONE NIGHT. IN ONE VENUE!


SMASH LIVE!

FROM

7.30pm – 11pm

Showcasing the most exciting new bands.


THEN

SMASH & GRAB

11pm - 2am

Celebrating kissing and dancing in all its strange and wonderful ways, with:

- The TRANNY-FORMATION BOOTH

- the BEYOND-HETRO DRESS UP BOX

- BOARD OF LOVE

- SEXUAL POSTBOX

Celebrating kissing and dancing in ALL their wonderful ways? Err what's the catch (apart from the possibility hooking up with someone who's bad at either, or worse, both)? Tunes on the DJ deck? Live music bands you can smugly tick off your must-see list way before they are famous? Yes please.

As if that wasn't enough this week's lineup is as follows:
8th October


Live: LETS WRESTLE

Not Cool

Screaming Tea Party


DJs: TEENAGERSINTOKYO

Stroll On

Proud Camden. The Horse Hospital, Stables Market, Chalk Farm Road, Camden. NW1 8AH, www.smashandgrabclub.com

Fabbo - see you there, over and out.